you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
