can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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