Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
