A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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