My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
