how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
