Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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