WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
