i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
