its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
