All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
