I can tuck mytits in my pants
My cat gives me a boner
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
