____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
