I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hippo gnu deer
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize