Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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