Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
