the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize