I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
