i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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