There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
