The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
sex in a hospital.. check
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
