it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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