i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You can't just leave with hair like that
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
