Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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