You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize