Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
