Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
