Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
