i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize