I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize