Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
