My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
