the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
