How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize