Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Randomize
