ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
