You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
