Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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