Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
