Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
