we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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