The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
