I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
