We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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