So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Randomize
