hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
two words: eviction party
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
BRING THE BAGELS
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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