3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
