The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
