Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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