At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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