I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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