Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize