i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
