I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
