yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
