You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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