I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
