I love having hate sex.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
