I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
