last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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