My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
