I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
