Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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