I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
