We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
