I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
